I wannas sexs uuuuu
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
