she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
