Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
