Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
