You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
