So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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