the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
