Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
