Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
