I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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