haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
