Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
