I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
