You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
