omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
