i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize