I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We got so high we made milksteak
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
