I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
