I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
