My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
