i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
