I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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