I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
