Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
