the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
