I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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