I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
