I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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