i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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