is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
