Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
