Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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