I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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