In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
