can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
