i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
