remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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