Dual....:-)
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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