the condom got lost in my hair
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
