im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize