I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
