my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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