well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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