Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
