I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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