if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
