wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your cock deserves a montage
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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