I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
