I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
