fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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