My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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