I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
