What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
