wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wear drunk well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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