just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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