do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize