if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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