So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
