Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
