dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize