wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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