i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
