Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
