True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
