Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ketchup is God's man juice
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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