Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
