I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
