these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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