Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
