thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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