oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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