im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
