I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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