In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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