Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
