I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
