man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
