He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
