After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
