so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
