my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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