what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
