please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
