We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize