So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I AM VODKA MAN
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
