I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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