I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
