After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
