oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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