just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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