I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
