I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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