he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
