Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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