if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
