In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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