Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
