No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
