you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
this will be a night to untag.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize