There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
